My World Revolves Around Wednesdays.

I left when you left darling.
I'm not exactly sure how to explain that,
but I'm gone now.

And I think it's because the seasons are still changing without you love.

The days feel devastatingly slow, and the nights are like death. But at least death sleeps. She spends her nights in beautiful silence, and I'm stuck inside my own head where everybody's voices feel thousands of volumes louder and my clothes are always sticking to my skin.

Sometimes it feels like your sweatshirt is the only thing that fits anymore... and sometimes I cry because now it smells more like me than you. And I hate me for that.
I  hate that I walk through the corridors of this college that's filled with people, and that I have never felt more alone in my entire life. And my headphones have become my new best friends because they trick people into thinking I'm cool enough to be sitting here alone...like I don't actually care.

And saying that I've only ever cared about you would be a lie, but it's a damn good one. It's one I wish were true, but if you must hear the truth it's that I don't think I'll ever care for another. 

And I guess that now it's easier to forget you. 

To forget us, because my heart only feels fractured when I'm not thinking about you.. And compared to the gaping wound that consumes every valve of this pumping organ at the very twinkle of a memory... It feels pretty alright. 

And it's 1:14 in the morning and I'm just remembering that I loved you.               

 I'm remembering that for 6 months you controlled every breath I took, and I'm remembering that I have to breathe on my own now...

it's 1:16 in the morning and I need you to teach me again. 

The tears stop at 1:20 

1:22 I forget.

What they don't teach you in high school.

365.242 days ago I made a promise.
182.621 days ago I broke that promise.
21 days ago I watched a beat up, old, pealing, maroon Mazda slowly pull away from the curb that it had grown so accustomed to outside of my house.
The black tread marks your tires left are still there. Only some what faded from the rain you've been missing out on.

These little black keys feel unfamiliar underneath my dirty fingernails...
but maybe that's because I was too happy to write.
Too perfectly content with the lot life had given me,
too swept up in the summer love I'd never before experienced.

"Can this last forever?"

The memories come pouring faster then I could have ever anticipated.

Memories of that summer that everybody envies. Where our skin is brown, and our hair is light. The stars witnessed way too many kisses and lots of "I love you" 's. And I'm sure they gagged at our PDA and the moon smiled when we fell asleep in the grass...oblivious to the wind that roared around us. And I know the planets giggled at our hurried mannerisms when we woke up an hour past curfew.

Evenings spent filled with laughter as our families battled to the death at wii sword fighting, and apples to apples. And always mother's comforting words when things always had a tendency to get too competitive...but I loved that about you. About us.

31 days were filled with bad reception and tearful phone calls...and I didn't think it would ever get any worse.

But what I wouldn't give to hear the sound of your voice right now at this very moment.
When I've just spent one of the first of many Friday nights without you.

Nobody ever tells you how lonely it gets.

365.242 days ago I made a promise.
182.621 days ago I broke that promise.
730.484 days from now I'm hoping to see those lovely brown eyes again darling.
I'm scared for 730.484 days from now...
But I can't wait to break more promises with you.