I'm not exactly sure how to explain that,
but I'm gone now.
And I think it's because the seasons are still changing without you love.
The days feel devastatingly slow, and the nights are like death. But at least death sleeps. She spends her nights in beautiful silence, and I'm stuck inside my own head where everybody's voices feel thousands of volumes louder and my clothes are always sticking to my skin.
Sometimes it feels like your sweatshirt is the only thing that fits anymore... and sometimes I cry because now it smells more like me than you. And I hate me for that.
I hate that I walk through the corridors of this college that's filled with people, and that I have never felt more alone in my entire life. And my headphones have become my new best friends because they trick people into thinking I'm cool enough to be sitting here alone...like I don't actually care.
And saying that I've only ever cared about you would be a lie, but it's a damn good one. It's one I wish were true, but if you must hear the truth it's that I don't think I'll ever care for another.
And I guess that now it's easier to forget you.
To forget us, because my heart only feels fractured when I'm not thinking about you.. And compared to the gaping wound that consumes every valve of this pumping organ at the very twinkle of a memory... It feels pretty alright.
And it's 1:14 in the morning and I'm just remembering that I loved you.
I'm remembering that for 6 months you controlled every breath I took, and I'm remembering that I have to breathe on my own now...
it's 1:16 in the morning and I need you to teach me again.
The tears stop at 1:20
1:22 I forget.
It's about time that poetry found Wednesday.
ReplyDeleteThis is so good. Heartbreaking and beautiful. The part about the headphones and being alone. But really...the part about the sweatshirt. And how it smells more like you now.
Heart. Break.
This is so beautiful. I've missed your writing a lot. "The seasons are still changing without you."
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