I bet your dad took you fishing when you were little because I've been called elusive and you caught me. You caught me, and then you kept me. Which is more then I can say for the others. And I don't know how you made something you caught love you, but you did. And I don't like being referenced to a fish... But I am one because I loved you. I'm a fish because I fell for the boy with red hair and mother laughs because that was something I swore I'd never do. It made me stop missing his brown hair, and his blonde hair, and it made me start craving yours. I found myself standing at the edge, constantly thinking about when my next brush with fire would be and that's dangerous. But you already knew that. You knew you were danger and I was innocence and I knew that. And I liked that. And that scared me.
And I loved that.
And innocence loved danger because it made her feel free and mature. Danger made her feel beautiful and worth somebody's time and that was enough. Nobody craves innocence like they crave danger but danger wanted her. And mother pursed her lips.
I wish you could have been the man I always dreamed you would become but you were just a boy when you walked away from me. I want you to understand that every time you ignored me, I wrote a poem. There are a lot of poems. And every time you loved me I slept under the stars. I blame you for the lossed meteor showers and whispered wishes. I blame you for the lack of grass cushioning my back and the warm breeze across my legs. Because now it's cold outside and the stars hate me because I chose you. And I hate myself because I chose you. I blame you for my meetings with the bishop even though I think the guilt broke me more then it did you and I hate you for that. I hate that I felt more then you did and I wanted so badly for the guilt to
crush you and it didn't.
I hate that you make me hate because I'm a lover, not a fighter. And I promised the tooth fairy that I'd never forget her and I promised the rugrats that I'd never lose my imagination, and I told pikachu that I'd always choose him. And I lost myself. And now I'll spend my days apologzing to my childhood friends because we'll never be the same.
You keep trying to prove to me that you're different. But so am I.
You: why did you ever like me?
Me: good question.
Daveni.
"And innocence loved danger because it made her feel free and mature. Danger made her feel beautiful and worth somebody's time and that was enough. Nobody craves innocence like they crave danger but danger wanted her. And mother pursed her lips."
ReplyDeleteLoving this a lot. Like, a lot a lot.
Damn redheads
You're such a fish.
ReplyDeleteI wish we could share that whole paragraph with the world and when somebody was in love we'd say, "they're such a fish!" and "i'm a fish".
^you just inspired me to write something about being a fish.
"the stars hate me because I chose you"
the whole part about the bishop.
"I told pikachu that I'd always choose him."
Great post.
Makes me want to write about being a fish,
DeleteOr redheads.
But it definitely makes me want to write. And that means something.
Love. Love. All the love. So much love.
ReplyDeleteThis made me want to cry. The beginning was so beautiful and so happy. And then the end was so sad.
ReplyDeleteBut, oh. So good.
i'm actually hurting because of this post
ReplyDeleteGenius. So real. Tell me it's about a ginger named Tanner. because in my life, it is.
ReplyDeletenobody craves innocence like they crave danger but danger wanted her. ahh this was just too good. chills.
ReplyDeleteThe brisk emotion change in this was perfection. I don't actually know what that means, but I loved it. Ahhh this was just so great.
ReplyDeleteSo good.
ReplyDeletePS We can be friends
Yeah, so I was trying to decide which of your posts I wanted in my Top 5. And I keep coming back to this one. So I think that means it's the winner.
ReplyDeleteI love how honest you are in this.... Seriously so good
ReplyDeleteI keep coming back to this post.
ReplyDeleteI'm in fish with this post.